you’re going to wake up and be like, why did I tumblr drunk… gawd….
listen, I regret al,most everything I do. drunk tumbling is the least of it.
Yeah, so I’m at my most human when I drink.
I’ve been in Georgia since Saturday and I’ll be returning to NJ Thirsday. There might be stories, but I’ve eaten a bunch so far an had the cutest waiteress on Sunday, tall, but chubby and pale with a tattos of a mushrrom cloud on her right elbow. I was into her even my sister noticed, despite they fact that she got it wrong by saying it was “so obvious you were staring at her tis” despite the fact boobs don’t even make my top 5 superficial partts on a lady, but she had sucha super cute face thst I was staing at. She had a bit of a chubby tummy. I love a bit of a chubby tummy. It has been such a long time since I have had a post like this.
I know that it has been a minute, but right now is an entirely appropriate time to resurrect this tag.
Thinking about it, I bet trhenieghbors called because they girl was brown (and probably the most attractive person to ever step inside this house. Jesus CHRIST she was a good looking young lady. I have a thing for Indian women. Maybe my Filipino friend is more attracitve, I don’t know. Both are mindblowing.)
No, seriously, someone at the end of my street went on vacation and the guy they had housesit was a black guy. He went out on the back porch and came back inside then the police were there because someone called the cops on him thinking that he broke in. Yay rascist upper middle class white folks! You are the worst.
Now that I think about, I’m pretty sure I’ve had more non white female visitors come over than white female visitors. For some reason I do better with non white, non American women. Figure that shit out.
Vacation day tomorrow and Tuesday! YAY!
So I just had some friends over for the first time in nearly a year, and after about ten minutes of them being here my doorbell rang a bunch. I go to the door and there’s a policeman. He tells me that a neighbor called 911 because they thought we were on vacation (lol wut?) and they thought the cars out from were suspicious. I told him that we haven’t gone on vacation in over a decade, and nope, those cars belong to people who were invited here. He took down my name, phone # and birthday and left just as another officer walked up to my door.
I bet it was those cocksuckers across the street who shoot off fireworks (illegal in NJ motherfucker) at 9 on weeknights and makes my parents LIVID and they call the cops on them because seriously, it’s fucking illegal and I hope they blow themselves and thier children up because fuck them I hate them.
Ah, blueberries. Snackking on some blueberries.
There is actually a somewhat sexy story behind blueberries for me.
the first (singlura, non-muffin, non-pie, non-pancake, etc.) blueberry I ate, was out of my first (and only :’( ) girlfriend’s belly button.
Dear lord, I am so alone.
200th (and more) Criterion spine number ordered!
(Female winners guess correctly and they win a prize of my face as a seat for a week. Must give advance notice on seat cushioning thickness. Moustache riiiide.)
Males? Um, suuuup bros?
Sis saw my new sunglasses, told me that the internet was wrong and they are old women’s sunglasses. Then she called me a woman and I walked away. Then she told me I would never be successful in life because I walk away from her.
Later on she told me she’s only being truthful with me to keep me tough because if she wasn’t so truthful then I’d be a weakling and something something masculinity.
I have decided to return the sunglasses and spend all the money on movies.
Two boxsets already ordered!
Currently full of sangria and a piece of Chilean Sea Bass the size of my heroin addicted arms. Coming after one of the best job interviews I’ve ever had (with a woman who looked like a brunette German Pam Poovey (i.e. brunette chubby woman with a heavy German accent. Chubby women are sexy. Skinny women are sexy. Women are sexy.)) and before a night out at a bar with a dear friend? This is one of my favorite days. I’d like to freeze this moment in time because I feel good.
